Time for Grief

Before I became a mother, it was much easier to find time for myself to do... Pretty much anything. Including grieving.

A couple of weeks ago I lost someone I loved to cancer. Normally it's fairly easy for me to let my emotions out through anger and tears. Eventually pushing passed my emotions and remembering my lost loved ones, happily knowing they are better off. However, when you're responsible for an infant it doesn't leave you much time to cry and yell out your sorrow.

In the last couple of weeks I've learned to push passed my feelings, carry on my day and care for my son without letting my sadness and anger show. A skill that will only come in more and more handy as the years pass.

Now that I've been given the opportunity to lock myself up in my room, in the dark and let my feelings over come me I'm back in my happy place. How do you cope with not letting your emotions rule how you parent your children? How do you not let your sadness and anger make you less patient for crying infant?

Finding the Me in Mommy

Once upon a time there was a girl whose main goal in life was to get married and have a family.

That girl was me. I didn't have ambitions to spend years in school to become a surgeon, or ambitions to travel the world alone, or ambitions to spend all my money on booze at the bar every night.. I wanted to be a wife and mommy.

That sounds very 1950's and I'm sure many women would look down on me for it, but to each there own.

Now that I have everything, and have achieved those goals I have a new dilemma. How do I find the ME in MOMMY? I'm not having an identity crisis, I am very happy devoting my thoughts and time to being the best mommy I can be.

The problem is, who do I become when mommy isn't my number one job anymore? Being a mom will always be my number one priority but I won't always be needed at some point in the future my children will grow up and run off to university or to travel the world, and then what's left for me?

Nope, definitely not a pressing issue now, but something I need to think about.


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The Beginning

I'm new to the whole blogging universe. My blogging career started over at whattoexpect.com when I first became a member back in September(?) 2009.

That blog was primarily about my joys during pregnancy, and I didn't write very often. When I discovered blogger.com I was overjoyed with the different templates and color options. Therefor my loyalties switched (just for blogging, I still love WTE with my whole heart!).

I've recently had a couple friends mention my blog to me, and had the great pleasure of hearing they enjoyed reading it. I will admit, I grin like a moron for 2 days after hearing that. I gush when I see I have a blog comment because it makes me feel like I'm doing this for more then myself.

I started the blog with two things in mind, 1. That I had a place to keep my thoughts and ideas about the only thing in this world I know more about then anyone else; my child(ren) and 2. That this would someday be printed and kept for my child(ren) to read if they were ever interested.

From day one I never knew what I "wanted to be when I grew up" but I always knew I would become a wife and mother. If those are the only titles I will ever formally hold, I will still have lead a fulfilling and happy life. Thank you to those of you who read about my war stories along the way! :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone