Before I became a mother, it was much easier to find time for myself to do... Pretty much anything. Including grieving.
A couple of weeks ago I lost someone I loved to cancer. Normally it's fairly easy for me to let my emotions out through anger and tears. Eventually pushing passed my emotions and remembering my lost loved ones, happily knowing they are better off. However, when you're responsible for an infant it doesn't leave you much time to cry and yell out your sorrow.
In the last couple of weeks I've learned to push passed my feelings, carry on my day and care for my son without letting my sadness and anger show. A skill that will only come in more and more handy as the years pass.
Now that I've been given the opportunity to lock myself up in my room, in the dark and let my feelings over come me I'm back in my happy place. How do you cope with not letting your emotions rule how you parent your children? How do you not let your sadness and anger make you less patient for crying infant?
I'm going to slightly disagree with your strategy here. I grew up in a house where feelings ended up being taboo. Nobody ever cried, no one ever got angry and eventually no one was ever happy either. From an extremely young age my parents shielded both my brother and I from all the "bad" feelings and this had absolutely NO benefit to us. Even though Monster might not understand right now, share those feelings with him and tell him why you're sad, upset, angry. Even though he might not understand now, he'll not only know why those feelings exist, but he'll also know appropriate ways to deal with them in the long run (cry and cuddle, as opposed to get angry and violent).
ReplyDeleteI agree with the fact that your infants/children/teenagers should see *some* of your grieving feelings so they learn and understand. However, when you have a life and a jam packed schedule sometimes it's finding the time to grieve alone or with your significant other. I don't think it's particularly healthy for your children to see you crying the whole time you're chauffeuring them around to soccer games, and dance recitals.
ReplyDeleteWith any emotion there is a time and place, also I hope that you (I'm not sure who this is because you didn't sign your comment) *know* that I'm not a violent person, and wouldn't take my anger out on my child... Some people read my blog because it's my own experience, and I ask the questions at the end to provoke thoughts and ideas... So thank you for yours.
It might not be healthy for children to see their parent as a blubbering idiot. But it is healthy for children to see that their parents' have feelings. I am in no way suggesting that there is any violence involved in your situation (there wasn't in mine either). I am merely suggesting that shielding from feelings isn't necessarily the best answer, it wasn't in my situation, as it led to future children who do not know how to cope with their feelings. I am just suggesting that there is a healthy medium and we should all take advantage of it, and not hide from it. My child will fully understand when I'm grieving, happy, and upset, otherwise he/she will have no other way of knowing how to deal those feelings when he/she is older. I am simply suggesting that this might be something that should have somewhat of a priority in your jam packed schedule as opposed to soccer games and dance recitals. I would like to think that feelings are a little more important that those things.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what more to say about this? I appreciate your thoughts and opinions. If I didn't then I wouldn't allow comments on my blog.
ReplyDeleteSharing my experience and gaining other peoples insights is the WHOLE reason I write this blog. Your comment made me think about the way I do things, which is the whole point.
I partly agreed with you, and then thanked you for sharing your opinion and ideas with me. I don't know why the elaboration was necessary? :)