Dear Auntie...

Auntie.

One simple word. Yet, it means more to me then you could ever know.

Auntie, is a women who loves me almost as much as my mommy with her whole heart. A lady who shows that love with wide open arms, and wide shiny smiles.

Auntie's stay cool, even when they sing weird songs (versions of the Ant's go Marching) or have silly dance moves. They run to my side to share my firsts, kiss my boo-boos, and make me feel like the most important little boy who ever lived.

I can't say it yet, but I love you

Love your adorable Monster nephew.

Shopping with Baby!

Every other week it is customary for my sister in law (and bestest friend) TGrocks to venture into our bustling city to do our big grocery shop.

I will admit, this adventure used to be much easier and carefree before Monster came along. We would go out, leisurely eat a nice lunch, and browse around every store we passed. Lately (the last 5 months or so) it's been a "Get in and get out before baby gets hungry or tired" kind of ordeal. Not to mention, before I even leave my house it's quite feat. My morning routine with Monster is far more stressful and rushed because I feel like I have this intense time line. Sound like I need to calm down and enjoy life? Yeah, I thought so too.

Packing for a downtown afternoon outing with a newborn feels like it takes a hundred years to perfect for a new parent. Or at least it did for this new parent. Every time you think you've got everything right, your baby ages, and passes new milestones ultimately screwing up your perfected plan!

Today I realized that since it's been over 5 months since Monster's birth he and I have both grown and learned enough to make an afternoon outing (even to a town an hour away) to do a butt load of shopping relatively easy! Today the three of us packed up, and headed out to Vernon to do our huge shopping excursion. Monster recently learned to sit up unsupported, so I decided to try out sitting him in the cart without his infant carrier (mostly because he out grew the tiny thing). I brought the quilt that his auntie (TGrocks) made him, plus toys and a receiving blanket.

We spread the quilt across the cart seat (where the kids sit) and sat him in. I put my huge mommy purse on one side of him and tucked the majority of the quilt on the other so that it would be nice, warm and comfortable. Monster was ecstatic! He was able to see absolutely everything, he talked to people who walked by, and played with all his toys (hung from the bars of the shopping cart).

At first I thought the fact that he outgrew his infant carrier car seat would hinder our outings, but in turn made it more comfortable and fun for him. Every single day having a baby gets a little easier. The only time it became an issue (and made me wish he hadn't grown out of his infant carrier) was when he was ready to nap, and I had to carry my 20-something pound limp sleepy baby round the store.

Emergency C-Section

When I was pregnant the thought of a possible C-Section birth was always in my head.

I wasn't one of those naive pregnant women who believe they will waltz into the hospital, have some pains, pop out a baby, and walk out with a bundle (I shouldn't say naive, because someone women are actually blessed with such experiences...). I personally witnessed two births in the year and a half prior to Monster's birth, so I knew how much could potentially go wrong.

I will admit though, the thoughts of a C-Section delivery diminished once 24 weeks rolled around and Monster had flipped (on his own) from the frank breech position to the head down birthing position.

The thoughts of a C-Section birth were even further from my mind on the morning of March 5th when I woke up at 3:45am to my water breaking. However, I was extremely unlucky, and after a 24 hour pitocin induced labor, I pushed for about 2 and a half hours to have a sunny side up head stuck upon decent to freedom.

That is the quickest, least painful way to remember my birth experience.

After Monster's emergency C-Section birth, my doctor has recommended that I wait at least two years from the surgery date (March 6th) before trying to conceive in order to try for a natural delivery the second time around. For those of you who doubt, I'd like to say that such scenarios are common on my side of the family. Both my mom and grandma delivered their first children surgically assisted, but naturally delivered their second.

I have a hole punched into my life experience list where "Having a painful, but as natural of delivery as possible" should be. Barring another Monster-esque baby, I hope to one day (almost two years from now) have this wonderfully painful experience.

I'm unsure as to why it is so important to me but I do know it's something I've always valued. I feel like it's a badge of honor, and I know I'm no less of a mommy (or a person) because I don't wear one... but damn it! I WANT ONE!


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Mommy Guilt - It's a real thing

Mommy guilt, it's a real thing! I'm sure there is such a thing as daddy guilt too, but since I'm a mommy; my guilt is more obvious.

Every day I experience this in one form or another. Am I doing the best possible thing I can do for my son at this particular time? Every day I am faced with a a decision, any where from "Are these clothes warm enough, or cool enough?", "Have I spent enough time reading and playing with Monster?"

How do you know if your worries are valid or relevant? I've been experiencing inner turmoil for the last two or three weeks regarding when the appropriate time to return to work would be. I'm not looking for advice on the subject because in the end I will have weighed the pros and cons myself and made the decision I feel is best for our family at this time.

I definitely sound like I'm trying to convince myself, don't I? The only reason I'm considering returning to the work force is because I have a two year financial plan in order to be able to buy a nice big house to hold my family (and potential family). Why can't the two year plan just wait until January when my maternity leave ends?

Well, if you ask my mom she will be the first person to agree that once I get an idea in my head it's difficult to change it, and I'm usually in a hurry to follow through with it. Since Hubbs does shift work it is possible for us to pull a couple of favors in order to ensure Monster won't spend much time (if any) with a sitter. Therefor one or both of us will always be his primary care giver, and one or both of us will always be around to see all his firsts.

How are parents supposed to handle guilt in any situation regarding their children?

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Breaking the Swaddle

I was recently browsing my home board over at whattoexpect.com and a common thread I've noticed over the last month or so has been breaking the swaddle.

For those of you out there who don't know (or remember) what a swaddle is, it's the way of wrapping your infant in a blanket tightly. The swaddle wraps the infants arms and legs tight against their body to resemble the confined comfort of the mothers womb. Most newborns will calm and fall asleep as soon as they are swaddled. See Video Here (Thank you, youtube.com)

The issue most parents face once their infant begins to roll over is that they are no longer comfortable swaddling them because of the suffocation risk. If your infant is used to being swaddled in order to assist sleep you might also experience difficulty putting your infant to sleep once your atop swaddling them.

Luckily this isn't something I'm dealing with. When Monster was born he was huge, 9lbs 6oz huge. All of the light receiving blankets I had were far too small to swaddle him. Not only was (is) he huge but like me, he is also very hot bodied. Even in March if he was over dressed he would sweat like crazy, which basically made it impossible to swaddle him with his larger, heavier blankets.

Even if he had proper blankets, I'm not sure the swaddle would have worked for Monster anyways. He has always been so strong and broke his arms and legs out of the wrap.

With our lack of options, we just did not swaddle him once he was out of the hospital. All of the sleep issues my March Mommy friends are dealing with now, I dealt with way back in March. I'm still sympathetic to them, but I am glad it's something I naively dealt with ahead of time. One less thing to worry about now.

Movies and Becoming a Parent

I am a crazy movie buff. How could I not be? First of all, I married someone who is cinematically obsessed, and my best friend (and sister-in-law TGrocks) is the manager of our local Blockbuster.

Don't ask me what my favorite movie is, I will struggle for days and then probably hand you a list separated into categories. We have a great collection, however I don't know how many movies I'm going to be able to watch and feel the same way about now that I've become a parent.

Bringing a child into this world, and loving them unconditionally changes your movie watching experience dramatically. Just last night we rented a movie that we've never seen before, not because it's old... I'm actually not sure how we missed it.

We recently became a fan of the novelists work because of recent movies made from his books. The movie was Mystic River. Essentially the story revolves around a homicide, the murder of a nineteen year old girl and her parents quest to find the killer.

Can you already guess how becoming a parent changed the way I watched and reacted to this particular film? As the detectives interviewed each parent, friend and the victims boyfriend I was holding in my hysterical sobs. One day I will have a nineteen year old, I too will have to learn to let go, will have the opportunity to worry constantly when they are gone, and fear the worst is going to happen.

Unfortunately I don't think I can watch movies about kids and families the same way anymore. Or the fact that I have a child has just widened the variety of movies I can watch to spark "a good cry" when I need it.

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Homemade Vs. Store Bought Babyfood

For Monster's complete solids eating career I've fed him store bought baby food. I'll pause now for the shameful finger wagging from all the green mothers out there.

I had full intentions of making all my own homemade baby food, I promise! I started with carrots and sweet potatoes. The sweet potatoes were ridiculously easy, and took absolutely no time at all. The carrots on the other hand were what temporarily turned me off of making my own baby food.

After over an hour of steaming them on the stove top, I tried with all my might to mash them, when that didn't work I brought out my food processor. Even with my food processor the carrots didn't turn into a nice purée, they ended up being really "piecey". I froze them anyways because I am green enough not to be wasteful.

After that adventure it was either, invest in a Magic Bullet (which I still plan on doing) or buy pre made jars of baby food. I didn't want to take the chance of my Monster choking on anything, since I was going against the "no solids until 6 months" recommendations. I bought the baby food and that's what Monster has been eating.

Now that he's almost 6 months and can pretty much "chew" (let's face it, it's not really chewing until he gets teeth, right now I like to refer to it as Old Man Gumming) the "piecey" soft carrots might even be fine.

Once my pre made baby food jar stock diminishes I will continue on my journey of making my own baby food. As for now, the only thing he's getting homemade is bananas and sweet potatoes. In the end I will likely continue to buy pre made applesauce, I'm sure it's easy enough to make, but when you can by organic apple sauce that is literally called "Just Apples" for next to nothing, the lazy person in me will probably win.


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